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Greg Paulus is Struggling, Eh?

I won’t even attempt at fact-checking. It’s probably littered with inaccuracies and weird Canadian translation losses.

Orange Nation could use a little pick me up after the last two football losses.

Just when it seemed we could all agree the program was on the rise, Marrone was the perfect guy for the job and Sam Nappi was a wonderful human being and true philanthropist, the sky falls.

No, we’re not talking about the Balloon Kid falling from the sky. We’re talking bad losses, worse tackling and a brewing quarterback debate. What happened to all the warm and Fizzy feelings?

Well, fear not. Here’s Canada to the rescue.

Thanks to our friends over at Nunesmagician for linking us to this little slice of heaven. A small newspaper North of the Border decided to take in a game at the Carrier Dome. Hilarity ensued.

Ah, Canada (or is that “Eh, Canada”) – let us count the ways we love you.

1) “Within three hours driving distance of the Quinte area, there is a fine football venue just a little south of the border. The Carrier Dome in Syracuse, N.Y. soon to be renamed the Ernie Davis Stadiumhas been a landmark high on the Onondagan Hills for almost thirty years.”

Ernie Davis Stadium? How did I miss this? This deserves another post/FizzCast which will land us in hot water with the athletic department! We hope this has prompted a phone call to the Trentonian (international rates apply) from the Sports Information Department. Not only did those blasted Canadiens wipe Carrier off the map, but they didn’t even keep The Dome part! I don’t like living in this alternate Canuck universe.

2) “Again this year, we made an early morning trip across the border to catch the action under the bubble roof. The Syracuse University Orangemen faced the University of South Florida Bulls in their fifth game of the season.”

Aw, they call it a bubble roof. It’s like all of Central New York had a bubble-blowing contest and we filled up our indoor football field. Yay! I guess it’s impossible to ask a newspaper that misidentifies the entire stadium to recognize the switch to “Orange” a few years ago. But these freaking Maple Leaf loons catch a game at the Dome every season! How have they missed this? It doesn’t say Orangemen anywhere anymore. I’m pretty sure Dr. Doom officially eradicated the words “men” and “women” from Webster’s and dictionary.com, too. How have they missed this for five straight years?

3) “College football on the State Side is truly spectacular. There are more than one hundred members in the University marching band, called ‘The Pride of the Orange’, with plenty of brass and drums. Team mascot Otto the Orange leads the cheers. The stands are a sea of orange, as students and alumni assemble to support their boys.”

This is outstanding. These mounties think a Syracuse game is a truly spectacular show of college support? They did attend this game two weeks ago, right? This wasn’t 1999? Holy crap.

Imagine what would’ve happened if they went to the Horseshoe or the Red River Shootout. My God, could you imagine them at an SEC game? Their perfect, little snow-globe heads would’ve exploded upon seeing the team entrances.

Get these Canadians season tickets immediately and let them write all types of love haikus about the incredible atmosphere of 25,000 fans in the Dome watching a three-win SU squad lose by four touchdowns every week. Yeah, I guess it still beats Argos-Blue Bombers. But not by much these days.

I won’t even attempt at fact-checking the “Syracuse Eight” part. It’s probably littered with inaccuracies and weird Canadian translation losses. But it’s even worse if they nailed it. It would pop my beautiful image of what these Northies are all about: driving six-hours every year to watch the spectacular Orangemen of Syracuse defeat all challengers at Ernie Davis Stadium.

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