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The Solution to Women’s Lax

Posted: D.A.

This is Christina Dove, senior midfielder for Syracuse.

She’s hot. Believe me. But you could never tell with all the equipment women’s lax players are asked to wear. Something has to be done.

Last night, while flipping around the netherworld of the satellite sports tier, I stumbled across CBS College Sports. Yahtzee. It was the latest installment of our most heated rivalry: Syracuse-Georgetown.

Now, this was women’s lax, so honestly, I have no idea if it’s even a rivalry between these two schools. I mean, when Gary Gait fires up the troops on Georgetown week by invoking the names of Big John Thompson, Sleepy Floyd or the image of shutting down Manley Field House? Or does he just say, “You know, I saw their Facebook fan page and they gave us a ‘thumbs down.’ Beat the Hoyas!”

But something struck me while getting my Orange women’s lax fix: I couldn’t tell if these chicks were hot or not.

In the age of political correctness and Title IX, we are supposed to simply appreciate women’s sports in the same vain as men’s, for it’s competitiveness and fundamentals. But come on. The modern sports fan is inundated, swept under by all the televised sports he could possibly ingest (bears repeating: I was watching CBS College Sports Network last night. Gross).

Women’s sports are not as fast, nor athletic, nor attention-sought like their men’s counterparts. So we need a hook to stay interested. And that hook for Candace Parker, Becky Hammond, Allison Stokke, Lindsay Vonn and all the Russians on the ATP Tour is their looks.

Now, Christina Dove is attractive. But we can’t tell behind that bird cage around her face, the muscle tee and mouth piece. In fact, there’s plenty of hotties on the SU women’s lax roster. So, NCAA time to wise up. Make the face guards look like a clear version of Lauren Conrad’s designer sunglasses. Tailor the jerseys to fit like Victoria’s Secret sleepwear. And shorten up those shorts just a bit. I wanna be thinking Megan Fox in “Transformers,” not Allen Iverson with the Sixers.

Just trust me. I’d watch more women’s lax.

If I could find CBS College Sports again.

The Fizz is owned, edited and operated by Damon Amendolara. D.A. is an ’01 Syracuse graduate from the Newhouse School with a degree in Broadcast Journalism.

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