I’m stunned. Truly blindsided. I guess I’ll survive. But one of my favorite Hollywood starlets is… ugh… a Mountaineer?
While fishing through the New York Post over the weekend (long considered the Wall Street Journal of Hollywood smut), I flipped through the celeb sightings pics. And what did we have? Mrs. Affleck playing with her young children while sporting a West Virginia hat.
There are a handful of ways to go on celebrity sports allegiance. The David Arquette-Lakers tie. I now live here, the team is good, I have no roots, but I’ve become uberfan to draw eyeballs to my pathetic attention-craving soul. “Access Hollywood get a shot of my Kobe socks!”
The Matthew McConaughey-Texas connection. Yes, I have a natural tie to this team, but I’ve become superfan because they’re really successful. Thus, I’m cool. If the Horns were in the Poinsettia Bowl, I would be wearing a USC hat. “Hey FOX cameras, have I mentioned I’m in a new rom-com with J-Lo?!” (Also see Judd, Ashley.)
Then, there’s the Leo DeCaprio-FAU corollary. The rarest of the bunch. Pick an under-the-radar sports team and fly the colors in a subtle way. You’re “unique” and “above” brainless mass-consumption like other celebs. “I’m aware other celebrities don’t really get sports. I’m showing you I’m cooler than other celebrities. I’ve got a sci-fi thriller coming out in the fall.”
I was ready to place Miss Garner into category #3. But why would my former love interest during her smokeshow days of Alias and Elektra need to randomly select a wildly unsexy team in the Big East (hey, pick the Orange!) to prove how independent she is?
And then came the Wikipedia bomb.
“When she was four years old, her father’s job with Union Carbide relocated her family to Princeton, West Virginia, and then later to Charleston, West Virginia, where Garner resided until her college years.”
I owe you an apology Jenny. If you spent the formative years of your life huffing coal smoke and attending social studies with spawn of Appalachian hillbillies, you have earned that WVU hat, ma’am.
You can take the future cinematic heroine out of Mountaineer Country, but…
Posted: D.A.
