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This Old Doghouse

The indestructible cyborg which just happens to be the head coach of the Huskies has finally succumbed to some faulty wiring?

So ol’ Jim Calhoun is taking some time off, huh?

“Dr. Peter Schulman, the coach’s primary-care physician, said in a statement he advised Calhoun to take time off ‘to address some temporary medical issues, none of which involve any previous medical conditions that he has dealt.'”

Save it, Jim.

We’ve been down this road before. How many times can we all be duped into thinking you’ll finally walk away?

Will it be after prostate cancer in ’03? How about skin cancer in ’08? What happened to that charity bike race where you hit the pothole, flipped, cracked three ribs… and finished the race?

Try again, Storrs Community College. We’re all onto you. Here was The Fizz’s thoughts from that bike rally fiasco.

“Jim Calhoun will never die.

He will continue to haunt that sideline until the next millenium, a Freddy Krueger of college basketball.

Calhoun stalks the sideline like a Boston-born Emperor of the Sith, replete with the same scowl and beedy-rat-eyes for the last twenty-five years.

In fact, it’s possible that Calhoun, via his ever-ticking ticker and medicinal innovation, is our modern-day Machiavelli (well, other than Tupac).

One day, in the early 2130’s, when Calhoun has finally succumbed to the frailties of coaching into his 200s, his cyborg/hologram doppleganger will lead UConn to another National Championship at the Planet Zyphon 2.3 Final Four.

And yes, even in his afterlife, he will be cutting down nets as we in Orange Nation grit our teeth.”

So count The Fizz as disbelievers, cynics of the highest order.

Jim-tron 3000 is probably just bailing on another second-round exit Huskies squad (which just lost three straight) to jaunt back to Planet Zyphon 2.3 to figure out how Scott Brown won Massachusetts and what century health care reform will finally happen.

And if this really is the end of the road for a Hall-of-Fame coach? The Fizzwill party like its 2129.

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