That’s Just Fab Being Fab: Ex-Orange Melo is the Butt of Jokes – Again

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It took Fab Melo a grand total of six months on an NBA roster to be featured in a Deadspin article for his stupidity. And it’s probably surprising to many that it didn’t happen sooner.

When the news first came out that Syracuse’s former brilliant Brazilian was called up from the Celtics’ D-League team, it sounded encouraging. But it turns out Melo was sent up from Maine because he sustained a mild concussion… after running into hotel door.

Boston Head Coach Doc Rivers’ reaction?

“What did you have, ‘Manny being Manny?’ Well, in five years when Fab’s playing terrific for us here, we’re going to have some ‘Fab being Fab’ moments.”

First of all, glad to hear Rivers has accelerated Melo’s timeline and expects him to succeed within five years. I know the big man is thought of as a project in Boston, but yeesh.

Though over the long term, if Melo ends up residing in the same universe as Manny Ramirez in Boston sports lore, that’s a good thing. Fab’s (ahem) education at SU has been the subject of ridicule for months now. So the university’s academic board can send him a thank you.

To Melo’s credit, he fired off the tweet of his life in response to the incident going public.

“If you stand under 7 feet don’t ask me how I did it.”

Just. Plain. Awesome. I mean hey, the man has a point. Imagine having to duck every time you walked into a new room – you’d be bound to bang your heard into a doorframe once in your life. Of course, it’s not like he grew to 7 feet overnight. He’s had some experience with this situation. But given the benefit of the doubt, it could be hazardous if you’re making a quick exit through a door way.

Possible reasons Fab was in such a hurry to make it through the hotel door:

  • He was running away from a tutor.
  • He was sleepwalking, and Boeheim haunted his dream after only a few pleasant minutes.
  • Fab normally smacks his head on door frames. This time someone just happened to notice, and inform him that banging his head against a door is harmful.
  • Chuck’s was somehow on the other side of the door.

Per league rules, NBA players have to be treated by the parent club when they get hurt. After Melo recovers, expect him to return to the Red Claws. Celtics President of Basketball Operations Danny Ainge wants make sure the center gets steady minutes, and for now that will only happen in Maine.

Prior to the concussion, Fab was settling into a nice groove in the NBDL, averaging 18.5 points, 10.3 rebounds, and 7.5 blocks over his last four games. That includes a 32-point explosion, and a performance that included a triple-double and a D-League record 14 blocks.

Hopefully inanimate objects stay out of Melo’s way from now on as he continues to develop.

Posted: Andrew Kanell


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  1. Ron says:

    I’m 6’2″ tall and I have trouble hitting my head on low hanging objects. It happens quit frequently and hurts every time that I do it. I can’t imagine what it’s like to get in and out of a car. I have to duck my head while going in behind the steering wheel backwards then making adjustments before I turn the engine on to go somewhere.

    For anyone to make fun of him hasn’t got the slightest idea what it’s like being 7′.
    The person poking fun of him must be all of 3’7″ tall and doesn’t have to worry about the little things in life like hitting you head on low hanging door frames.

  2. chris says:

    I used to be 6-4I clearly remember my visit to Old Ironsides in Boston and going below deck to view the gun level. I should have been on my hands and knees. Melo has a kind of dumb look on his face that invites humor when something like this revealed. Melo wasn’t what any would describe as being an academic while he was here in Syracuse.

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