So, I’m clicking happily through cyberspace this morning, reveling in ongoing Syracuse road dominance. In a festive mood after a getting a mighty buzz last night at the Harp’s Halloween party. Red Zone channel on in the background, trying to avoid any and all Dan Dierdorf so as not to kill my high.
And then this.
SI.com’s photo gallery of athletes in costume as a nod to Halloween. Larry Johnson as Grandmama. A zillion unfunny Clinton Portis pics. Yet the 24th and final picture is no athlete at all. It’s a fruit. Yeah, and not just any oversized athropomorphic fruit. Our oversized, oversexed anthropomorphic fruit.
Normally, I’m totally cool with Otto showing up and sharing a goofy grin. Commercials. SportsCenter promos. Online mascot polls. But this was not Otto at his finest hour.
He… she… er, it… dressed up as some homely old woman?! WTF dude? Reading glasses? Walking cane? Purse? Skirt? I mean, Otto’s wearing a f*cking skirt. Plus, look at that left hand. It’s raised in the air with a limp wrist. This is so not o.k. on about fifty levels.
The SI caption says it’s from 2006. Doubtful because the Orange was on the road Halloween weekend ’06 in Cincinnati. But I missed this the first time around. See, this is the type of sh*t that was happening during the Groobers Error. Everyone lost their goddamn minds. We’re gonna look back at those four years and the orange/orange/orange uniforms and Otto with a handbag and wonder what alternate universe we were living in.
This would never occur under Marrone. Dougie would see Otto wearing a dress, immediately walk over to the Gatorade bucket, thoroughly destroy it, then calmly tell Pat Hanlon to fix it or someone’s getting fired. Then eat a damn bologna and cheese sando. And that’s it. Programs that are 3-0 on the road in conference, compete for bowl berths and actually have some self-respect don’t let their mascot look like an extra from “The Bird Cage.” Mascots in skirts go 0-7 in the Big East and play in front of 22,000 at the Dome.
Have a happy Halloween from The Fizz. Don’t let Groobers mess it up for you.